Breaking Dawn

If I sit on the brink of destruction, watch this breaking dawn, what does it really mean? I can't see tomorrow, still. It's trailing behind me, I live in the past. Does that make me a ghost?

The wind is blowing, gently. It's catching my hair, tossing it about. Same to the trees, really. The way they move is calming, even as they creak. I dip my toes in the stream. The water is ice cold, it flows past my toes, over the pebbles, through the sand-ridden silt on the riverbed. It turns to white foam as it dives over rocks, tumbles down the waterfall. Some is turned to spray in the breeze. I wonder if it's a rainbow, to those below?

The sun is peeking over the far hill. It lights the sky in a golden haze, picks up on the dewdrops. The world is sparkling again, like when we were younger. I hope you understand, I have to do this? I have to leave you, despite the pain in your eyes. It's my decision.

I place my hand on the tree next to me, to steady myself. I start to walk forwards. I can feel the hairs on my arms and legs stand bolt upright, it really is freezing. I still can't believe it came to this. What good will it do? They'll start fighting again, in a week, a month, a year, five? They'll start again. Even I'm not worth a cease-fire. Their eyes are boring into me, but I can only feel yours now. I know, you're staring at the back of my head. Trying to burn my image into your heart so deeply you'll never forget.

I launch myself forwards. The cold water wracks my soul, it feels like the end. I'll be nothing, a mere prize when this is done. Something to gloat over. When the swords clash on the battlefield again, I know you'll always be looking for me. I won't be beside you anymore.

I'm halfway there now. I know I want to turn around with every fibre of my being, but I simply can't. It'd take too long now, I'd be swept over the waterfall, my skull smashed open on the flat rocks. I'm bound to this.

I reach the southern bank. The sun is almost up now, warming my cold face as I turn to my left. I look back at you. I can see you, all of you, in your eyes. The pain, the fading hope, the love.

I can remember every morning, waking up beside you. Your arms around me. Me slipping out of bed to watch the sunrise, from the balcony. You always shocked me, creeping up and wrapping your arms around my waist. We'd watch the dawn together.

I can remember the first time I saw you. It was here. I was standing by the edge of the waterfall, watching the sun come up. You startled me, and I nearly fell over, but you caught me. I fainted when I realised who you were. I never thought I'd have my life saved by a literal prince. Maybe someone I thought as one, but never you. Sometimes I still don't believe it, but you were always there to quell my doubts. You made my life perfect again. I'm scared I'll forget you, because this was so unlikely. I'll convince myself it was all a dream. I wish we really could live in the past. The time we had together seems so short now.

If I sit on this brink of destruction, watch this breaking dawn, without you, what does it really mean? Who am I now?